the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i out mim tonsoeep
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