Church boner. Awkwardddd
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
