No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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