Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
