around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
