Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
