Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
