i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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