They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
