Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
