i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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