he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
