I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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