At least make sure they are 18
Why
my phone needs a breathalizer
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
