Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
