with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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