The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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