Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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