I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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