suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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