It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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