Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
