Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
