I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i now understand why vodka
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
