Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
