he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
