Tell her she can't have a vagina
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
