I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
