Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
