woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
