Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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