Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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