i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
