Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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