i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
