If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
