Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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