I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
