ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Its about making memories worth repressing
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
