It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
