I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
