She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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