I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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