I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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