he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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