My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
