I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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