are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
