I don't usually arrange sex via text message
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
