Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
