I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
