i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize