I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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