I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
