On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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