I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
