I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
