just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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