Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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