Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
