you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
