Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
