i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
