She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
