Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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