Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My bed smells like the plague
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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