just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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