I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize