oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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