I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
